

why do old people drive slow they barely have any time left like GOOOOO ur dying
(via unpopuler)

Gather round children, whilst I tell you a little story.
So I was watching Fullmetal Alchemist with my roommate, when I got thirsty and decided what the hell, Ima get myself a Coke. So I went down to the vending machine on our floor and swiped my card and pressed the button to vend the Coke. Well, TWO cokes popped out.
Weird right?
I looked around, wondering if I was on one of those punk’d shows, and grabbed both bottles. Suddenly, a loud thrumming came from the machine, and lo and behold, 6 MORE COKES CAME OUT.
After checking my debit card statement, I found that I was only charged for ONE coke. Feeling giddy but slightly guilty, I nabbed all 8 bottles of coke and went back to my room. After telling my roommate what happened, she decided to go back to the coke machine with me and see if only the Cokes are affected.
She bought two Sprites, and what the fuck do ya know, she got those damn Sprites, AS WELL AS 11 FREE COKES.
This of course jammed the machine, and before I knew it, I was on my knees with my arm up the Coke machine, practically birthing these little fuckers. I even read off their names on their bottles as I handed them to my roommate. We also found a random Cherry Coke had popped out as well.
Behold our finished family. 19 cokes, 2 Sprites, and a Cherry Coke, all the result of a very overworked and confused Coke machine.
(via strangeparkings)
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THIS GUY IS
RUSSELL HOWARD
Russell Howard is a national treasure.
(Source: katiebishop, via humorking)
"nerd" and"loser" were like hard hitting insults in the early 2000’s and now they are used as affectionate terms we have truly come full circle
Sorry, but no, we did a 180. A full circle would mean we went back to them as insults
nerd
(via hotboyproblems)
honestly i hate when people try to sugar coat shit like if you don’t like me or don’t wanna hang or don’t wanna talk to me just fucking tell me don’t keep ignoring me and expect me to figure out the hint like that’s such a bitch ass move i’d rather hear it from you than be ignored 99% of the fucking time.
those cashiers that let you buy things when you’re missing a few cents deserve to live forever
(via hotboyproblems)
(Source: shae-o-lantern, via pendents)